Monday, August 27, 2012

Magnolia Afternoon

The old dog whined, cried out, in bone-on-bone arthritic pain, struggling to rise and then to stand. Old age had come and gone for him and now he simply waited for the end. Waited and, in gratitude for the simple gifts of being fed and loved and left alone, performed his hourly ritual of guarding.

Once he'd been a collie. Now he was just a bony frame on which there hung a roughly dog-shaped skin with patches of something like a collie's hair in places. Blind and deaf, he made an hourly circuit of the camper, slowly putting one quivering leg before the other - each step a conscious act of courage - in a clearly painful parody of protection.

Then he'd lie down. Not dig a little in the sand to make a cool place. Not go three times in circles to make things right the way a dog will do. Not even plop. He'd just lie down, making a nondescript pile of something vaguely resembling an old abandoned burlap bag.

For this, he was rewarded - once in the morning and once at night - with a bowl of saltines, broken up and soaked in milk in deference to his toothless state. Saltines and milk, verbal abuse and threats, all delivered by Aunt Mattie in the sternest tones, but with a gentle underlayment of love and understanding which would have caused his bemanged and almost naked tail to wag if he'd of had the strength to raise it from its lifeless droop.

"I'd ought to separate your head from your body you worthless old scoundrel. If I could find a ax, I'd lop that sorry tail slam off, right back of them scraggly ears."

Her hand would brush down once from the top of his old head, down the neck and to the shoulders, as lightly as the last breath of a dying butterfly. The very tip of that old and age-worn tail would almost move: the closest to a wag that he could do.

She said they were a lot alike, she and that old dog. And I guess they kind of were.

It was humid: that stuffy, sticky, can't-get-air-to-breath kind of humid. And it was hot: that old sweat-down-in-your-eyes-even-when-you-ain't-done-nuthin kind of hot - and hotter coming. And lastly it was long.

It was humid and it was hot and it was long… And it was dreadful slow.

Aunt Mattie and Mary and I sat on Aunt Mattie's porch in front of her old camper. There was a big magnolia on one side (it was to our right I think) with large thick dark green leaves and big and heavy white-white flowers. There was an old and hoary live oak in the back with limbs that spread in all directions sagging almost to the ground in places and reaching well over the camper and the porch. The giant oak hung over everything, hung and held the Spanish moss that hung upon it. Held that, and also held large patches of a gentler and more delicate soft green moss on roots and trunk – interspersed with little fungal hints of white and pink and gray.

And there were bay trees all around.

I can't tell you where it was or whether it was pink or blue or even green, but I can tell you there was a rangy untrimmed hydrangea somewhere not so far away. Probably right at the corner of the porch. I remember it just like it was yesterday. In fact I now recall that it was pink and blue and green, all three, one side colored by the tannic acid of the decayed leaves raked into a pile, the other by the long time throwing of the lye-soap-laden wash-water routinely thrown from off the porch. It wasn't at the corner, it was right there, right to our right, beside the lichen-covered concrete steps.

The porch was made of wood once painted blue. The blue had worn and faded the way old blue-jeans wear and fade. And, once the fading stopped, the peeling started, till there was nothing left to peel. The camper had been green. It too had faded, or oxidized or whatever it is that campers do to make them look the way that camper looked.

Mary had on blue-jeans, a cotton chambray shirt, and sneakers. Her hair was long and soft and brown and gold. Her eyes were gray, or blue, or both --- or maybe they were green. She sat on the porch floor, right by the steps, one knee pulled up and held in place by gravity's tension against her interlocking fingers, her back propped against one of the supports that held the rusted tin porch roof.

Aunt Mattie wore a shapeless faded cotton dress in a faded print of faded flowers. She sat in a rusty metal rocking chair. She didn't rock; she sat. Erect. And with a natural dignity. Stern of demeanor but with (to those who knew her well) a hearty laugh well hidden down beneath that harsh facade.

We simply sat and slowed the day away.

Every once in a while a bird would make the kind of sound birds make during the heat of a sultry southern summer. Every once in while a bumblebee would bumble by.

Sometimes we'd hear a car go by. Sometimes, but not so ever-often. And even the distant car sound sounded slow and tired and humid-hot.

Mary sat. Aunt Mattie sat. I rocked. We slowed the day away.

We didn't talk.

There comes a point, in love or trust or in maturity, or all of those together, where it's okay to simply sit, where talking's just not needed. Being with Aunt Mattie was enough. Just being. And watching that old dog as he so sweetly suffered.

He made another round.

Aunt Mattie spoke.

"You know, I've lived on this earth for ninety-five years… And never had to shoot but just one man… And he weren't nuthin special."

We didn't ask; she didn't tell.

We simply sat and slowed the day away until the evening's darkening shadows brought a gentle cooling breeze to break the special thick-sweet spell of June down south in Georgia.

Minnie, the mare who loved children

The moon shone bright in the cool November night. The mare stood by the brush pile.

She seemed asleep, but wasn't.

The child strolled aimlessly about the stable yard, dragging a stick along the hard-packed sand, one moment in the soft silvery light, the next in the deep dark shadows cast by the giant live-oaks. He ran the stick across the boards and battens of the barn.

The mare heard the scraping of the stick. She didn't move a muscle. Just stood, the way a sleeping horse will stand.

The child came past the corner of the barn, whacking the gatepost with his stick.

The mare saw the stick as it lightly slapped the post. She didn't bat an eye.

Just stood, the way a sleeping horse will stand.

The child stirred a pile of droppings with his stick.

The mare smelled the fresh green scent of half-digested hay and grain. Her nostrils didn't quiver. She simply stood, the way a sleeping horse will stand.

The child, seeing the old horse sleeping way over towards the back of the paddock, smiled. She was what had brought him from his bed in these, the hours after midnight.

He thought back to the morning of the day before, when his father had lifted him into the cradle of her saddle. He'd been afraid, never having set a horse before. "Don't be scared", his father had said. "The man said Minnie's old and quiet. She wouldn't hurt a fly."

His father had taken the reins and they'd started out at a slow walk towards the gate. The child had held tightly to the saddle-horn, his muscles tensed with nervous strain. She might be old and gentle but that didn't make her any less tall. The saddle had swayed from side to side and back and forth as the old horse's old hips moved one long leg behind the other.

"Minnie loves children" his father had said.

And that was true; Minnie did love children. In her own unique and very special way.

They'd walked around the stable yard, his father leading the old horse, the child clinging to the saddle, slowly becoming more confident as he sensed that the old horse was not only aware of him, but also seemed to be concerned lest he fall off. Maybe she really did love children. Maybe she'd be his friend.

It hadn't taken long before he knew the horse was really trying to take care of him, to see he'd not be hurt. From that time on he'd really enjoyed the ride. It was a lot different then the pretend horse in front of the supermarket, the one his father fed quarters while he sat on top and rocked back and forth.

Finally he had been no longer afraid. He'd ridden, with pleasure, while his father had led. He'd sat the saddle and, looking down, he'd seen the massive muscles in the old horse's shoulders as they had worked beneath the thick sleek skin. He'd seen the awesome power there and felt the old horse using just the lightest touch of all that strength to keep him balanced on her back with tiny flicking movements.

After the ride, he'd petted the old horse's velvet nose as she had taken corn from his hand, and as she licked him when the corn was gone.

That was the morning of the previous day. It seemed now as though it had been many days ago. It seemed also as though he and Minnie were old old friends, friends with the special bond of trusting rider and trusted ridden.

The child looked through the fence. The old horse seemed somehow closer. He hadn't seen her move but she seemed somehow further from the brush pile and closer to the fence.

He didn't like the brush pile. Something about it just seemed wrong. More like old bones than brush. It made the hair stand up between his collar and his neck.

He looked toward the barn. He'd get in trouble if someone found him here. Or if his father or his mother woke and missed him. He was their only child and they seemed to always worry and think that something awful was going to happen to him.

But nothing bad could happen here with Minnie to protect him.

He shivered slightly, maybe from the coolness of the slight night breeze, maybe from the knowledge that he oughtn't to be here, or maybe from some other unknown cause.

The old horse seemed closer still.

He stirred the sand with the end of the stick as he stared at the beauty of the gentle old horse. She stood there in the moonlight looking somehow vulnerable, the way all grass-eaters look at night. He thought about the nature programs, and how they told about the difficulties of being a grass-eater. In olden times there had been wolves and lions and all sorts of other eaters of flesh. And those eaters of flesh had preyed on the eaters of grass: the horses, the cows, the zebras and other such.

"Well they'd just better not mess with Minnie" he thought, and hit the ground with the end of the stick. "I'll protect her." He swung the stick around and listened to the satisfying whistle that it made.

He looked up and, startled, realized the mare was closer than he'd thought. Her ears were up and listening, alert for any sound. Her nostrils were wide as she smelled the air around her and he could tell that she knew more by smell then he by all his senses.

He looked at that big soft muzzle which he'd petted just yesterday. As soft as any soft could be. And then he looked at the mouth that had so gently taken the dried kernels of corn right from his hand. The teeth were huge and yellow and silently spoke of a strength and power even greater than that shown by her size and nearness.

He looked into her eyes. Yesterday, he'd seen her eyes up close - big, and soft, and deep as deep - filled with gentleness and love. That's when he'd known he'd have to come back and see her again -- she'd even seemed to tell him so.

Tonight, though, something in those eyes was different.

Yesterday those eyes had looked so gentle – he thought again of the cows and zebras.

But tonight? What was that look?

The stick fell silently and unheeded from his fingers.

He started to step back, remembering the look on the faces of the lions in his mind. A look of terrible purpose. A look of something true and hard and cold and hot, and something he had never known: the awful look of hunger.

He glanced towards the brush pile with its look of sticks and bones. He looked back at the now-burning eyes and monstrous teeth of the gentle old horse. He tried to turn and run away, back to the motel, back to his father, to a better-known and better-understood life.

He looked up at that awful mouth just inches from his tiny tender face. He felt the fetid breath. He turned to run away…

The moon shone bright in the cool November night. The mare stood by the brush pile.

She seemed asleep but wasn't.